Emily Morse – Smart Sex: Book Review & Audio Summary

Book Info

• Book name: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure
• Author: Emily Morse
• Genre: Self-help, Sexuality, Relationship Advice
• Pages: 304
• Published Year: 2023
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
• Language: English
• Awards: No specific literary awards mentioned; recognized as a bestseller and praised by notable figures such as Christina Aguilera and Esther Perel.

Audio Summary

Synopsis

Here’s the thing nobody tells you: bad sex isn’t usually a body problem. It’s a brain problem. Emily Morse-the woman behind the wildly popular Sex with Emily podcast-drops 304 pages arguing that your ‘Sex IQ’ matters way more than any technique you’ll find in Cosmo. She breaks it down into five pillars: embodiment, health, collaboration, self-acceptance, and communication. The promise? Stop overthinking, start feeling, and finally have the kind of sex that doesn’t leave you staring at the ceiling wondering what went wrong. It’s part therapy session, part permission slip, part practical playbook. And yeah, it gets graphic. But that’s kinda the point.

Key Takeaways

• The Big Idea: Your mind is the most powerful sex organ you’ve got-and most of us are completely ignoring it.
• The Controversial Point: Morse argues that ‘good sex’ looks different for everyone, which means stop comparing yourself to whatever you think normal is.
• The Actionable Part: The embodiment exercises-learning to stay present instead of mentally drafting tomorrow’s grocery list mid-act.
• The Hidden Gem: The stuff on self-acceptance hits harder than expected. Turns out shame is a bigger bedroom buzzkill than bad lighting.

My Summary

Look, I wasn’t planning to read another sex book. (Yes, I know how that sounds coming from a guy who reviews books for a living.) But Emily Morse has been doing this for nearly two decades, and when The New York Times calls someone ‘the Dr. Ruth of a new generation,’ you pay attention.

What This Book Actually Is

Smart Sex isn’t what you’d expect. It’s not a positions manual. It’s not fifty shades of anything. It’s-and I can’t believe I’m about to say this-genuinely thoughtful. Morse’s whole argument centers on this concept of ‘Sex IQ,’ which sounds like something a marketing team cooked up but actually makes sense once you dig in.

The framework is built on five pillars: embodiment (staying present in your body), health (the physical stuff matters too), collaboration (sex involves another person, shocking I know), self-acceptance (stop hating yourself into bad orgasms), and communication (actually talking about what you want). Revolutionary? Maybe not. But the way Morse connects them? That’s where it gets interesting.

The Writing-Let’s Talk Craft

Here’s where my author brain kicks in. Morse writes like she talks on her podcast-conversational, sometimes a bit scattered, but always accessible. The prose isn’t going to win any literary awards. It’s functional. Clear. Gets the job done.

But-and this bugged me-the pacing wobbles. She’ll be deep into something genuinely insightful about shame and then pivot to a completely different topic before you’ve had time to sit with it. It’s like she’s got so much to say that she can’t quite decide what order to say it in. Some readers found this confusing, and honestly? I get it.

The personal anecdotes work though. They ground the advice in real experience instead of abstract theory. When she shares her own struggles with staying present during sex, it doesn’t feel performative. It feels like someone being honest with you at 2 AM.

What Actually Lands

The embodiment stuff is the star here. Morse makes a compelling case that most of us are having sex while our brains are somewhere else entirely-worrying about work, wondering if we look weird, replaying that awkward thing we said three days ago. Learning to actually be in your body during intimacy isn’t just woo-woo nonsense. It’s the whole game.

The communication chapters are solid too. Not groundbreaking if you’ve read other relationship books, but she presents it in a way that feels less clinical than most. Like she’s actually had these conversations herself and knows how awkward they can be.

Where It Falls Short

Some readers wanted more emotional intimacy stuff, and they’ve got a point. The book skews heavily toward the sexual mechanics-even the psychological mechanics-without spending as much time on how sex connects to the broader relationship. It’s not a fatal flaw, but if you’re looking for something that addresses the whole picture, you might feel like something’s missing.

Also, the research backing could be stronger. Morse has the credentials (PhD in Human Sexuality, years of clinical experience), but the book leans more on her personal expertise than on citing studies. For some readers, that’s fine. For others who want hard data? It’ll feel thin.

Real World Application

Here’s the thing-the advice is actually usable. The exercises aren’t complicated. The mindset shifts don’t require a therapist to implement. I’ve read plenty of self-help books that sound great in theory but leave you with no idea what to actually DO. This isn’t one of those.

Will it work for everyone? No. Obviously. But Morse is smart enough to acknowledge that. She’s not selling a one-size-fits-all solution. She’s giving you a framework and trusting you to adapt it.

The Verdict

Smart Sex is better than it needs to be. It could’ve been a cash-grab extension of a popular podcast, but Morse actually put thought into this. It’s not perfect-the pacing issues are real, and the emotional depth could go deeper. But for anyone who’s ever felt disconnected from their own pleasure, or wondered why sex feels like checking a box instead of actually living? This is worth your time.

Just don’t expect it to fix everything. No book can do that. But it might give you a better map for figuring it out yourself.