Danielle LaPorte – The Desire Map: Book Review & Audio Summary

Book Info

• Book name: The Desire Map
• Author: Danielle LaPorte
• Genre: Self-Help & Personal Development
• Pages: 224
• Published Year: 2012
• Publisher: HarperOne
• Language: English

Audio Summary

Synopsis

In The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte flips traditional goal-setting on its head. Instead of creating lists of achievements and acquisitions, she invites us to start with how we actually want to feel. This groundbreaking approach recognizes that desire is more than fleeting want—it’s the fuel that powers our lives, drives our creativity, and shapes our evolution as human beings. LaPorte guides readers through identifying their “Core Desired Feelings” and using these emotional signposts to navigate life’s decisions. By freeing ourselves from society’s pressures and reconnecting with our authentic desires, we can finally create goals that genuinely serve our souls rather than simply checking boxes that others expect us to complete.

Key Takeaways

• Desire is a creative and purposeful force that fuels our existence, drives our personal evolution, and gives us reason to live
• Core Desired Feelings are your emotional compass—identifying how you want to feel helps you make better life decisions than logic alone
• Many of us chase desires imposed by others rather than our own authentic wants; recognizing this pattern is the first step to liberation
• Following your feelings isn’t impractical—it’s essential for creating a fulfilling, authentic life aligned with your true self
• Unexpected encounters and chance opportunities often reveal our deepest desires when we’re open to receiving them

My Summary

Why We Need to Talk About Desire

I’ll be honest—when I first picked up The Desire Map, I was skeptical. Another self-help book about goals? Really? But Danielle LaPorte caught my attention within the first few pages because she wasn’t talking about goals at all. She was talking about desire, and not in the way most of us think about it.

We tend to associate desire with either sexual attraction or materialistic wanting—that new car, that corner office, that perfect relationship status to post on social media. But LaPorte argues that desire is so much more fundamental to who we are as humans. It’s the engine that drives everything we do, the spark that keeps us getting out of bed each morning.

Think about it this way: without desire, humanity would literally cease to exist. We wouldn’t desire food, so we’d starve. We wouldn’t desire connection, so we’d never reproduce. We wouldn’t desire meaning, so we’d have no reason to create art, build communities, or push ourselves to grow. Desire isn’t just about wanting things—it’s about being alive.

The Engine of Creativity and Growth

What struck me most about LaPorte’s perspective is how she frames desire as a creative force. When you want something badly enough, you become incredibly inventive about how to get it. Remember that person you had a crush on in high school? The elaborate schemes you concocted just to be near them? That was desire making you creative.

But desire does more than make us clever. It actually pushes our personal evolution forward. LaPorte suggests an interesting thought experiment: imagine if everyone you met handed you a written list of all their desires. You’d learn more about them in five minutes than you might otherwise learn in months. Our desires reveal not just what we want, but who we are—our values, our fears, our dreams for the future.

This really resonated with my own experience. Looking back at my desires from ten years ago versus today, I can trace my entire journey of growth. The things I wanted then reflect where I was stuck, what I was afraid of, and what I hadn’t yet discovered about myself. As I’ve tackled my fears, my desires have evolved too. That’s the beautiful thing about desire—it’s both a mirror and a map.

Feelings as Facts (At Least Your Facts)

Here’s where LaPorte’s book gets really interesting, and honestly, a bit controversial in our logic-obsessed culture. She makes the case that feelings aren’t just valid—they’re essential navigational tools for life’s biggest decisions.

We’re constantly told to “be rational” and “think logically,” especially in professional settings. Facts are considered truth, while feelings are dismissed as subjective, unreliable, even dangerous to productivity. And sure, calling someone “annoying” isn’t a universal fact—but it is your truth. That person makes you feel annoyed, and that feeling is real information about your experience.

I’ve struggled with this tension my entire career. As someone who moved from writing books to blogging, I’ve had countless moments where the “logical” choice conflicted with what my gut was telling me. The safe path would have been to stick with traditional publishing, but I felt restless, constrained, and frankly miserable. Following that feeling—that persistent sense that something needed to change—led me to create Books4Soul.com, which has been infinitely more fulfilling.

LaPorte introduces the concept of “Core Desired Feelings,” and this is really the heart of her entire methodology. These aren’t fleeting emotions like annoyance or excitement. They’re the deeper, more persistent feelings that you want to experience consistently throughout your life. Maybe you desire to feel free, connected, purposeful, joyful, or peaceful. These feelings are your signposts.

The Wake-Up Call Your Feelings Provide

LaPorte gives a perfect example that many of us can relate to: imagine you have a well-paying job that bores you to tears. Every morning, the first thing you feel when you wake up is dread. Logic tells you to keep the job—it pays the bills, it looks good on your resume, it’s “secure.” But that feeling of dread? That’s crucial information.

Your Core Desired Feelings might include things like enthusiasm, creativity, or contribution. If your current situation generates the opposite feelings, that’s not just unfortunate—it’s a clear signal that something needs to change. Following money might seem practical, but following your feelings is what actually leads to fulfillment.

This doesn’t mean quitting your job impulsively or making reckless decisions. It means taking your feelings seriously as data points when you’re evaluating your life choices. In our current culture of hustle and optimization, this feels almost radical. We’re told to push through, to be tough, to not let feelings get in the way. But what if our feelings are trying to tell us something important?

Breaking Free from Other People’s Desires

One of the most liberating sections of The Desire Map deals with a problem I see everywhere: people chasing desires that aren’t actually theirs. This is painfully common in our age of social media comparison and societal pressure.

Are you pushing to get married by a certain age because you genuinely desire that partnership and commitment, or because everyone around you is getting married and you feel left behind? Are you striving for a six-figure salary because financial abundance is a Core Desired Feeling for you, or because you want to prove something to your parents, your old classmates, or yourself?

LaPorte encourages us to get brutally honest about whose desires we’re actually pursuing. This awareness is incredibly freeing. Once you recognize when you’re trying to prove yourself to others or meet someone else’s expectations, you can stop wasting energy on those pursuits and redirect it toward what you genuinely want.

I’ve seen this play out in my own life in subtle ways. For years, I thought I desired the prestige of traditional publishing—the book tours, the reviews in major newspapers, the validation of being a “real” author. But when I really examined those desires, I realized they were more about external validation than internal fulfillment. What I actually desired was creative freedom, authentic connection with readers, and the ability to share ideas on my own terms. Once I recognized that distinction, my path became much clearer.

Making Better Choices Through Self-Knowledge

When you know your real desires—your Core Desired Feelings—you can finally start making choices that align with your authentic self. LaPorte’s approach helps you evaluate opportunities through a different lens.

Let’s say you desire to feel loved and to contribute meaningfully to others’ lives. A high-paying corporate job might not get you there, but volunteering at a refugee shelter might. A prestigious position might not generate those feelings, but mentoring young people in your field might. This isn’t about rejecting success or money—it’s about understanding what success actually means to you.

This framework is particularly valuable in our current moment, where we’re bombarded with messages about what we should want. The algorithm tells us we should desire the latest gadget. Instagram tells us we should desire a certain aesthetic. LinkedIn tells us we should desire the next promotion. But what do you actually desire to feel in your life?

Welcoming the Unexpected

LaPorte makes another crucial point that often gets overlooked in goal-setting literature: sometimes, no amount of introspection will reveal your desires. Sometimes, you need to encounter something unexpected to understand what you really want.

This aligns with my experience completely. I didn’t sit down one day and logically deduce that I should start a book blog. I stumbled into conversations with readers online, felt energized by those exchanges, and gradually realized this was something I desired to do more of. The opportunity revealed the desire, not the other way around.

So LaPorte’s advice is to stay open to chance encounters and unexpected opportunities. If something comes your way that intrigues you, don’t dismiss it just because it wasn’t in your five-year plan. It might be revealing a desire you didn’t even know you had.

This requires a certain amount of flexibility and trust that many of us find uncomfortable. We like plans. We like control. We like knowing exactly where we’re headed. But some of life’s most fulfilling paths emerge from unexpected turns. The key is being self-aware enough to recognize when something unexpected is actually aligned with your Core Desired Feelings, even if it wasn’t what you thought you wanted.

Applying This to Daily Life

So how do you actually use this framework in practical terms? LaPorte’s book includes exercises and prompts, but here are some ways I’ve found this approach valuable in everyday situations:

Decision-making at work: Before saying yes to a new project or opportunity, ask yourself how it will make you feel. Will it generate your Core Desired Feelings, or will it drain you? This doesn’t mean only doing things you enjoy, but it does mean being intentional about where you invest your energy.

Relationship evaluation: Rather than asking whether a relationship is “good” or “bad,” ask whether it generates feelings you desire. Does this friendship make you feel supported, inspired, and authentic? Or does it make you feel drained, judged, and small? Your feelings provide important information.

Planning your time: Instead of filling your calendar based on obligations and shoulds, try planning some activities specifically designed to generate your Core Desired Feelings. If “playful” is one of your desired feelings, schedule time for activities that make you feel that way.

Evaluating goals: Take your current goals and ask why you want them. Keep asking “why” until you get to a feeling. If your goal is to run a marathon, why? To feel accomplished? To feel strong? To feel disciplined? Once you identify the feeling, you can evaluate whether this goal is the best path to that feeling, or if there might be other ways to get there.

Morning check-ins: Start your day by noticing how you feel. If you consistently wake up with dread, anxiety, or emptiness, that’s valuable information about whether your life is aligned with your desires. If you wake up feeling excited, peaceful, or grateful, that tells you something too.

Where the Book Falls Short

As much as I appreciated The Desire Map, it’s not without limitations. Some readers will find LaPorte’s writing style too introspective or even self-indulgent. She writes with vulnerability and shares personal stories, which some people love and others find off-putting.

The book is also light on concrete, step-by-step instructions. If you’re looking for a detailed action plan or specific techniques, you might be frustrated. LaPorte is more interested in shifting your mindset than giving you a formula to follow. This works for some people but not everyone.

There’s also a valid criticism that focusing heavily on your own desires can veer into self-centeredness. LaPorte addresses this somewhat by discussing desires for contribution and connection, but readers looking for a more community-oriented or socially conscious approach might find the framework too individually focused.

Finally, the book’s emphasis on feelings over logic might not resonate with everyone. If you’re someone who finds security and clarity in rational analysis, LaPorte’s approach might feel too nebulous or risky. And honestly, there are situations where logic should probably take precedence—I wouldn’t recommend making major financial decisions based purely on feelings without any practical consideration.

How This Compares to Other Approaches

The Desire Map fits into a broader movement in personal development that prioritizes authenticity and internal alignment over external achievement. It shares some DNA with books like Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability, Glennon Doyle’s “Untamed,” and Martha Beck’s “Finding Your Own North Star.”

What distinguishes LaPorte’s approach is her specific focus on feelings as the starting point for goal-setting. While other books might help you discover your values or your purpose, LaPorte is specifically interested in how you want to feel. This is a subtle but important distinction.

Compared to traditional goal-setting books like “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” or “Atomic Habits,” The Desire Map is almost the opposite approach. Those books start with outcomes and work backward to behaviors. LaPorte starts with feelings and works forward to goals that might generate those feelings. Both approaches have merit, and honestly, the best path probably involves elements of both.

Questions Worth Sitting With

As I finished The Desire Map, I found myself sitting with some questions that I think are worth sharing with you:

What if the life you’re working so hard to build is designed to make someone else happy? Not maliciously—maybe you absorbed their desires so long ago you thought they were yours. But what if you could start fresh, knowing what you know now about your Core Desired Feelings?

And here’s another one: What if we trusted our feelings as much as we trust our thoughts? We’re so trained to privilege logic that we often dismiss feelings as irrational or unreliable. But what if our feelings are actually picking up on information that our logical mind is missing?

Why This Book Matters Now

Reading The Desire Map in 2024 feels particularly relevant. We’re living through a moment of massive reevaluation—the pandemic forced many people to question what they actually want from life, work, and relationships. The old markers of success don’t feel as meaningful as they once did.

At the same time, we’re more disconnected from our authentic desires than ever. Social media creates constant comparison. The pressure to optimize every aspect of life leaves little room for simply feeling. We’re so busy chasing what we think we should want that we rarely stop to ask what we actually want.

LaPorte’s framework offers a way back to ourselves. It’s not about rejecting ambition or achievement—it’s about ensuring that our ambitions are actually ours and that our achievements generate the feelings we’re truly seeking.

Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this approach to goal-setting. Have you ever achieved something you thought you wanted, only to feel empty when you got there? Have you ever followed a feeling despite logic telling you otherwise, and had it work out?

The beauty of LaPorte’s work is that it opens up conversations we don’t usually have about desire, feelings, and what we’re really after in life. These aren’t questions with simple answers, and your answers will be different from mine. But asking the questions—that’s where the magic happens.

If you’ve read The Desire Map or if these ideas resonate with you, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. What are your Core Desired Feelings? How might your life look different if you organized it around those feelings instead of external achievements? Let’s explore these questions together here at Books4Soul.com, because ultimately, that’s what this community is all about—helping each other live more authentic, fulfilling lives through the wisdom we find in books.